So it has been months since I’ve written my last post and life has really changed. Since my last post I have moved back to Hawai’i, I now have my own apartment, , 4 jobs (working for different individuals), and I’m a full time student. Completely different from my last season of life where I was free-bird traveling, and being led by the holy spirit everyday. The past three months have really been a time of reflection, adjustment, confusion, and certainty all entangled together. One word however, has remained in my mind, stuck out among others, and really challenged me. That word is abandon which means to give up the control of.
This is not a concept that come easily for me. I love being in control and God has always tried to break me of this by creating situations where I have to live by faith. Being a full time student now I’m forced to not work as much as I was used to working, which means a lot less money is coming through for spending and saving. Plus now that I live on my own, random things always seem to pop-up that I need to buy. For example one week, I had to buy a table, a blender, a printer, pay for my trucks registration, and I backed up into another truck which meant I had to pay for the damage. I was looking at my bank account and the numbers just weren’t adding up. So of course, I started to freak out. My boyfriend gave me very wise wisdom saying, “things always work out, sometimes you can get big sums of money out of nowhere.” I of course responded with, “Um, no you can’t, I foresee no big sums of money coming my way anytime soon.”
On the Tuesday of that week I went to say goodbye to a family I used to work for because they were leaving the island. They just so happened to be getting rid of their printer and gave it to me for free (and it was the exact printer/scanner/fax machine that I wanted!). I came home that night and there was a blender on my doorstep that another amazing woman I work for gave me because I mentioned I was going to buy a blender. The following day I called the guy whose truck I backed into and confessed. I just so happened to have went to high school with him (there are so many trucks on this island it was no coincidence I hit this particular one). He told me I didn’t have to worry about it and I was extremely, EXTREMELY grateful! Then the next day I went to buy a table and found an amazing one for only $40! Then the day came where I had to pay my registration, there was really no getting out of that one, but I did receive $200 in the mail from my mother, because she bought something for my sister and wanted to make sure she was fair to me (she’s an amazing mother/woman). So I ended up spending $140 on everything where I would have spent almost $500. After that week I felt so foolish for making the comment I stated above. This is something I constantly go through, and today I am making the conscience decision to make and effort to stop this cycle of disbelief, and then belief. I have countless stories of how God has come through for me out of nowhere, and in the most creative ways. I mean he has really proved himself to me over and over! I keep thinking about how when I left for my around-the-world trip I left with just enough money to make it back into my mothers arms broke as a joke, and no idea how I would make it back to Hawai’i then on top of that, start college. Two weeks into my trip I received a check in the mail for $3,000 from supporters at my church, which paid for all of my plane tickets! I made the least amount of money in 2011 than I’ve ever made in my life, I wasn’t even eligible to file taxes, but I traveled the world, spent 3 months with my family, bought a used truck, and enrolled myself in college. I’m still not sure how it all came together, but I know it came from action-verb faith. Selling almost everything I owned to just go, using all of my savings, and scaring my family to death doing it all. I look back at that and don’t know how I can forget so quickly how God has always provided for me. He just wants to see the condition of our hearts, and if we are actually willing to step out in faith when our situation looks hopeless.
I have also learned to abandon strongholds, and past emotions. It’s crazy how we can go through life and not realize the things we hold onto and how much they affect us. I want to be pure, and for nothing to come in between the full life of freedom I have been promised. To do this, spiritual spring cleaning is a must (how appropriate for the actual season). The past three months I have been working on breaking spiritual ties between me, past relationships and lies about myself that I have bought into. It has been extremely tough and uncomfortable. But I will not associate myself with those things any longer, I have chosen to move forward, and declare my freedom from them.
I am a bride, from this day forward I will walk with confidence, declaring who I belong to, and who has chosen me, running like a crash of rhinos, only able to see 30 ft in front of me but abandoning my fears- giving up total control of my life.
I challenge you with some spiritual spring cleaning, what are you holding onto that is keeping you from having life to the fullest, in abundance until it overflows?